trying to avert disaster …
have you been in that place. wondering around like you’re in another world. existing just to exist doesn’t seem complete does it. is it really that time to consider our options. maybe it’s time to ask.
where to begin when you are just starting over. who do you want to bring into your space. i would think that someone completely different wouldn’t have the same results as before. if the two of you are completely different shouldn’t there be a test run prior to dating. the more time spent casually with that person helps to identify what your compatibility will be like. hopefully, somewhere in the mix of conversation and laughter we discover a commonality. but, than again what if you don’t find out anything. you are going to have to ask her.
pubservation – is she full-time or part-time. does she work days or night. full-time means this is your current situation. part-time means student or extra work after full-time job. day work means she has family or significant other. night work means neither of the mentioned. she’s working for the money. spending it on the days off.
ask what? we have to identify the age first. so, lets try the usual lightweight questions. assuming she could be anywhere from 20 to 35 they’ll, look and act the same. only the answers will determine her age. how long have you been working here? where did you work before this? what college did you attend? the 35 year old gal will feel flattered that you considered her college age. the younger gals will be flattered you considered them collegiate material. so all is good with this line of questioning. these questions are also great conversation starters.
she may answer with any or all of the following – i just started here a few months ago. i’m new to the industry. [she’s 20] i am in school now or going back to school this fall [she’s 23] i graduated and did _____ before returning to work here. [she’s 30] younger girls always want a relationship scenario or some sort. especially if their friends are in one. whether they are in a relationship or not the girls will often mention her boyfriend. maturity and heartache lessen the urgency and seldom does the word boyfriend enter the discussion.
after clearly up the age issues let’s move onto the middleweight questions to determine common ground. i prefer to leave amble time between the first set of questions and the next set. time allows for me to learn about the person from her friends. maybe even some family folk. does she giggle with her friends or talk about life’s discoveries. i’m talking about months and years for taking my time. because i’m in no rush. sometimes it’s better to listen to them speak and see if they decide to let you in on their interests. a couple of the girls purposefully standing beside you talking about …
once we become acquaintances i like to toss the seasonal questions at her routinely throughout the year. what are you doing for xmas? how was your xmas? did you do anything for new years? did you get any flowers? are you a camping person? do you get outdoors for some sports during the summer? are you a skier or snowboarder? anyone who does a sport will talk about it and that’s key. xmas, new years and valentine’s questions will define her current relationship status.
now come the heavyweight questions. this is where my intelligence determines her intelligence. what have i learned to date. if i missed her answer on the college question, i may have to try another approach. this is tricky and hopefully you have some background to build off. conversations about travel, fashion, language, reading & writing all help in determining a person intellectual direction. humor and sarcasm is also an excellent monitor. obviously, if she was a doctor or lawyer she wouldn’t be here working full-time. it’s the ability to learn, caring, polite, honesty, teaching that truly defines a persons intellect.
so, now they’re asking me questions. not lightweight or middleweight but heavyweight questions right off the bat. what the …. i thought i was doing the asking here, folks. family and friends magically show up unannounced to drill you rapid-fire. questions that only you and her talk about. words and phrases perfectly sentenced as though practiced. [yes, practiced]. some of the friends are super nice. some of the family are really hard on you.
pubservation – so, whose the dude. you know the guy who shows up every night when i come down. is this the ex-boyfriend checking up on me. how did he find out. i haven’t even said anything about her yet and now i have family, friends and ex-boyfriends combing the joint. what about the guy that likes her and finds out she like you better. she was flirting with everybody how would anybody know who she likes. that’s what the wait is for. wait and see before her and i are we.
time can solve everything. time will provide the answers. some of the answer may not be what we what to hear. unfortunately, without any answers time will not stand still to bring the 2 people together. the only ways to avert a disaster is by not flirting with just ask her.